Mindful Communication type 2 - Interpersonal

The only way other people, including our family and friends exist for us is through our perceptions. Our perceptions determine our motivations and behaviours. Our behaviour influences the behaviour of those with whom we interact, which in turn influences our perception about them. And so the cycle goes… In other words, the way in which people behave validates our perception of them and so we always get to be right in our opinion about them. On this basis then, our perceptions become self-fulfilling prophecies that keep recycling in our life.

Problems occur in relationships when we get stuck in our point of view. When we refuse to see the situation from other’s perspectives as well as a more distant objective perspective, but only from our map of reality, then problems are inevitable. Being able to shift our perspectives between our position and the position of other’s as well as an observer (meta) position, as and when needed, will lead to better communication, understanding, respect, compassion and harmony in that relationship or partnership.

Having a multiple perception point of view doesn’t mean that you stick around in an unwanted or abusive relationship. It means that you become empowered to act from a broader perspective of what is really going on. You are able to mindfully choose what is in your best interest and the most ecological outcome. This empowers you to take the necessary steps without causing resentment or negativity or any sense of loss.

You are only response-able for your own thoughts, feelings and behaviours. When we try change other people’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours it often leads to disappointment and suffering. Changing your point of view and therefore your ability to respond differently in a relationship is the best chance you have of having a happy, healthy and successful partnership. Fulfillment in relationships means not depending on someone else. Fulfillment is the privilege of an open mind and flexible points of view. When we realise that at a deep level we are interconnected not only with our loved ones, but also with everyone and everything in nature, then we begin to treat others the way we would like to be treated.

It’s important to take responsibility for your feelings and to articulate them.
 When describing your feelings, choose words that express what you are experiencing, as in “I feel sad, lonely, frustrated, jealous.” Avoid using words that reinforce your sense of victimization, such as “I feel neglected, rejected, betrayed.” Avoid judging others, you are informing them about your feelings, rather than blaming them for something that only you are responsible for anyway.

The interpersonal type of mindful communication promotes the observation of your internal reactions in relation to the people with whom you would like to interact more positively or resourcefully. This enables you to loosen your identification with thoughts like: “They shouldn’t have done that”, “They should be more understanding”, “Them saying that means they don’t care for me”, etc. Observing your thoughts in this way also enables you to more easily shift your attention away from limiting perceptions and identify with broader views that show you a greater truth.

This type of mindful communication utilizes the skill of peripheral awareness to look beyond the person or people that you want to relate to better. This opens the aperture of your awareness by focussing not only on the person/people that you are communicating with, but also on the space around them, as well as the space, or energy that connects you with them. Also, by broadening your perceptual field and softening your gaze, you are able to relate to the whole human being or audience in front of you rather than just their label(s). This cultivates rapport, trust and responsiveness.

Peripheral awareness promotes mindful communication in all interactions between individuals and groups. This broadened perspective of one’s self in relation to others enables the individual to sense a nurturing connection with the other(s). With a broader view that includes the other person’s or people’s perspective you will have greater freedom to mindfully choose your responses in any type of interaction with people. This is the interpersonal type of mindful communication.

Mindful Communication type 3 – Transpersonal (interacting with subtle realms)

Here is an audio-programme integrating mindful communication with practical applications in various contexts.

The key factor in the interpersonal type of mindful communication is peripheral awareness. Here is a video where I teach this skill.